


Nexus Block

by st_r_trk_fangasm



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Memory lapse, Nexus (Star Trek), OMS, OMS challenge, Space Husbands, T'hy'la, Vulcan Bonds, Vulcan Mind Melds, bondmate, bones support, reconnecting, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21622666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/st_r_trk_fangasm/pseuds/st_r_trk_fangasm
Summary: Jim returns from the nexus but doesn't remember his relationship with Spock!
Relationships: James T. Kirk & Spock
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	Nexus Block

**Author's Note:**

> Last minute oms challenge submission I didn't know I'd want to share.  
> For space husbands!!!

When Jim woke in the medical bay, he was a little startled to see it. He'd been in that time loop for so long. He knew that now. He'd broken free because of Picard. But he'd died... and then the nexus took him again. When he was well enough for cognitive thought, he denied the illusion and he fought against it. The headache grew the more he tried to understand how he'd gotten here then. Was this a new tactic from the nexus? Was this real? Or wishful thinking?

When the nurse on staff greeted him, they established his head trauma and what star date it was. He didn't get much further. A familiar face came through the door.

"Bones?" He smiled. "Where am I? Is this another enterprise?"

"No, the is the excelsior, Sulu’s ship," McCoy chuckled and put both hands on his shoulders. "It's good to see you, Jim." Kirk put his hands comfortingly over his friends.

"Same to you,"

"You don't look like you aged much," his friend snuck a look at the padd. He pulled away and picked it up.

"Well I can't say the same for you," Jim grimaced apologetically.

"50 years will do that to anyone else living in reality," McCoy grumbled.

"I'm sure you'll fill me in," Kirk said, hoping for something to set his mind at ease.

"I wouldn't-"

"Jim," A deep, raspy voice that haunted Jim's memories said. It was Spock. He looked at Jim like he was a ghost. Kirk smiled reassuringly.

"Spock. You're here too? I... thought I'd be the one looking for you," Jim was thrilled to see the Vulcan. He would never be as at ease as he was with Spock nearby.

The vulcan, now aged in subtle ways, moved forward, eyes locked on his, as if he'd vanish if he looked away. Jim couldn't blame him. The Vulcan had probably thought him dead.

"I had known... but I could never reach you..."

"Oh. I guess our link must have been quite confusing-" Spock was touching his cheek. Jim stilled. Was he taking this too lightly? Had his death troubled him that much? Spock pet his face as if confirming his existence. Jim wondered if he’d demand a meld. He didn’t know why he thought Spock might do so. Spock would never intrude on his thoughts. No matter the circumstances, Spock had always asked for his consent. And yet he feared he might still do so.

"Jim," it was a plea. It was so heartbreaking that Jim felt even more concerned.

"Spock. Hey. It's me."

"Maybe you should wait a bit before you do th-" McCoy stepped in, but it was too late. Spock had both hands grasping Jim’s face. Without words, Spock was diving in. Jim gasped at the sudden intrusion. He was reeling from the force of it. It was too much.

Spock ripped his hands away as if he’d been burned.

Kirk held his head, eyes rolling back and moaning. The familiar sensation of a hypo in his neck put him under.

*

The next time Jim awoke, it was in guest quarters. He was alone. A light was blinking on the desk. A message. He head was reeling still. He thought of Spock. He hadn’t felt fear like that in a long time. Spock scared him. It had been a long time since he's feared the vulcan. He couldn’t recall why. Was it his mysterious demeanor? Perhaps then, that uncertainty was something he’d feared. No, now they were friends. Close friends. The vulcan had called him brother, friend... They were close. Jim trusted him... didn’t he?

He listened to the message.

“Hey Jim, when you wake up, call me back and I’ll fill you in.” It was a simple message from McCoy. A relief from the topic of Spock. What was he doing here?

He dialed for McCoy and he picked up almost immediately.

“Hey Jimbo, how ya feelin’?” he asked jovially.

“Terrible. What’s going on?”

“Well... I’ll be there in a minute,” he said and hung up. Jim didn’t like the sound of that. Too soon, McCoy was at his door. He got up slowly and opened the door for him. “Hey,” he greeted.

“Hey...” was all Jim could reply as the man made himself comfortable. Jim just wanted to wrap himself in a fluffy blanket. He felt chilled.

“Have a seat Jim. Lets see what you remember,” McCoy began. Jim furrowed his brow

“I... I was in the nexus... for 50 years,” he replied, sitting on the other chair.

“Yup, just about. How did you get stuck there?”

“I... there was an accident on the ship. Training?”

“Well that’s pretty accurate. So what do you remember about Spock?” The name made Kirk stiffen in his seat. He nervously looked around the room as if the vulcan would somehow appear out of this air.

“What about him? Besides trying to meld with me earlier...”

“Oh I don’t know...” McCoy trailed off, seeming to rethink his question. “What was your home life like? Do you remember having a family?” Kirk suddenly panicked. 

Dear God! Did he have kids? A wife?! 

Seeing this, McCoy quickly clipping in. “Whoa there! Keep calm. Breathe-”

“Do I have children? Have I forgotten a family?” Kirk asked, unable to hold it in.

“No, no kids. Well, you had one with Carol that you-”

“Yes! Carol!” Kirk quickly grasped onto the memories, but they brought about melancholy. “I... no. Carol and I... well we had... she had David...” He lost all his steam as the memory sank in. “And I lost him... I got him killed...”

“Jim. I didn’t mean to bring that up. I’m sorry,” McCoy was hunched over with his hands clenched together.

“No, I have to remember... Reality has to set in...” Jim sat back, rubbing his face as he tried to process what he could remember from the ten years before he fell into the Nexus. “I was a teacher, an admiral, got demoted back to captain. We... went back in time to get some whales...” he chuckled. “Met ‘god’...

McCoy smiled. “Sybok was a handful. So was that advenure to Rura Penthe.”

“Yeah... the Klingons were on the brink of extinction. Has that improved?”

“Yes. A few are serving on federation ships,” McCoy nodded. “But Jim, I need to ask you, because I have to be sure...”

Kirk waited.

“What is Spock to you?”

It seemed so simple. Spock was... his friend. His close friend. For some reason, that didn’t seem to be enough. He tried to think of more recent memories of his interactions with Spock, but they were blurry. A few quips came to mind, but something was missing. What was he missing?

“I... think that we’re friends.” McCoy nodded, his eyes downcast as if he’d failed a test. “But I think there’s something else. I just can’t grasp it. Why do I feel like I’m missing something?”

“Well Jim, you told me something a very long time ago. Just before you became admiral. Do you remember what that was? Do you remember what was happening then?”

“No. What did I say?”

“When Spock left for Vulcan to go through Kholinar...” McCoy hinted, but Kirk just shrugged. “How did that make you feel?”

“Well, I was a little upset. I got stuck at a desk job and everyone went their separate ways,” he chuckled sadly. “It was depressing.”

“That’s right. Now how did you feel when he stepped onto the Enterprise to help us with V’ger?” McCoy added.

“Elated! Of course! The whole crew was back!” Jim grinned, but McCoy didn’t look appeased yet. “And after he made physical contact with it? When you held his hand?”

At that, Jim couldn’t help his face heating up. 

“In retrospect, that was kind of inappropriate-”

“Nevermind that! How did you feel? Didn’t you two make up?”

“Make up? I mean, I guess...” McCoy stood.

“Oh for Pete’s sake, Jim!” The younger man sat back in surprise at the outburst. “He’s your husband!”

Jim sat stunned in his seat. The phrase repeated in his mind a few times. He couldn’t make sense of it.

“Excuse me?” Kirk cleared his throat.

“Oh no...” McCoy lost all his energy then, sinking into the seat like it was a lounge chair.

“I’d ask if you’re kidding, but I don’t think you are...”

“You two have been mooning over each other for years until V’ger and then you actually got together and even married a few months before the Khan incident.”

“Married….” Jim swallowed. McCoy stared at him quietly.

“You really don’t remember.”

“No! I’m not even sure this is real!” he retorted, temper flaring.

“Alright, we’ll book you an appointment with this ship’s doctor and give your head another once over. See if anything’s rattled out of place-”

“No, I don’t want anything going through my head!” he snapped. McCoy stood quietly, waiting for him to finish. “Bones, what if-” he cut himself off.

“What is it Jim?”

“What if I’ve slipped into another reality. What if I don’t belong here…”

Both digested that quietly.

“Jim, do you remember when you took me out for my birthday after V’ger?” McCoy asked tentatively. “We went camping at a resort.”

“Yes,” Kirk snorted, containing his laughter. “I recall you complaining about it not being ‘real’ camping,”

“That’s right. And I’m glad you chose it in the end because not only was it well equipped to get me any drink I wanted, fresh and unreplicated, it had good company if you wanted to socialize.”

“It was nice…” Kirk struggled to remember the details. “We got there… Spock was with us. You were complaining, but you found good company. I stayed behind with Spock…” he huffed a laugh. “I don’t know what followed…”

He put his face in both hands. The blur around his memories was frustrating.

McCoy put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort his friend.

“We’ll find out what’s going on Jim. I think you’re in the right place, but from what I gather, something about your link with Spock has been affected. Spock seems to be the only thing you can’t get a grip on.”

“I don’t know what I feel right now! What if I never-? The memories are all foggy! What the hell am I supposed to do here?” Kirk cried out. McCoy put both hands on Jim’s shoulders, pushing him back in his seat.

“You don’t have to love him Jim. You don’t have to be his husband.”

“But what about Spock? If I really am… then he’s probably... I don’t want him to suffer because-”

“That’s beyond your control Jim. You can’t help the way you feel and he can’t force it back on you,” McCoy promised.

“The meld! What happened?”

“As far as I can tell, your mind rejected him or something. I honestly don’t trust him to not try again.”

“It scared me. Spock’s never scared me like that before. I… I was happy to see him. I needed him… but I didn’t know why.”

“Don’t push yourself Jim. You’ve got to take it one step at a time.”

“If we’re… married. If we’re connected like Vulcans are then…” His mind was losing focus again. Frustration built in its place.

“Do you need me to hypo you again?”

“No! Get Spock!” Kirk yelled. “He needs to fix my head!”

“Jim! He’s emotionally compromised! You can’t ask that of him!” McCoy urged, gripping his arms.

“I’m gonna lose my mind if this… thing!”

“What about his feelings hun? You’re asking him to sift through your mind while he’s desperate to reconnect with you. What if that bond is the only reason you ever became lovers? Are you ready to just step back into that role?”

Kirk searched his friend, knowing how deep down, McCoy cared for Spock too, but he also never understood either of them.

“I… don’t know. Something- Anything is better than this…”

“Jim, just breathe. This is too rash, even for you-”

The doors swished open and Spock stepped in looking harried.

“Spock. You shouldn’t-”

“He called for me,” he protested. “I sensed him... calling for me.”

“Help me…” Jim choked. McCoy stepped slowly away, watching Jim make his way to Spock. The vulcan stood still, willing himself to hold his hands away from his long lost love. Jim reached out and set his hand on the vulcan robes, earth colored heavy fabric with metallic embellishments. No scripts.

“Jim,” was all Spock said.

“Can you help me Spock? Even if we… If I’m not what I should be…”

Spock stood quietly, but his downcast eyes were telling.

Kirk could see his age now. Although his hair was still mostly black, his eyes were heavy with wrinkles. It saddened Jim to not recall the last time he’d actually seen him.

“You must be willing,” Spock answered.

“I am! I just…” Jim reined himself in, suppressing the desperation for answers.

“You fear me.”

“No! I’m not.... afraid of you!” Jim bit his lip at the small lie. “I’m afraid of… what’s real…”

“You must embrace what is real. No matter the-”

“Just do it Spock! Before I… change my mind,” Jim tried to let his mind slip into quiet calm as best as he could.

Spock glanced up at McCoy who shook his head, exasperated. The vulcan put a hand on Jim’s shoulder and waited a moment. Jim nodded assuringly. He was still holding the vulcan’s robes tightly.

“I’ll stay here if it's all the same to you,” McCoy frowned standing a few feet away, leaning on the desk casually with his hands crossed.

Spock nodded and focused on Jim.

“All will be well,” the vulcan promised. Kirk grimaced, but nodded his consent.

Spock lifted his hand to Kirk’s face, letting it rest there for a moment, letting their energy settle comfortably. Kirk was grateful for that. He was trying to remember how it worked and in doing so, Spock’s mind was unable to enter. His mind was probably chaos. His mind wondered how Spock got through at all without force. He wondered why Spock wasn’t reprimanding him.

Jim opened his eyes to see Spock just looking at him gently. He was waiting. He was patient. He loved him. He wanted to help him.

Jim closed his eyes again, smiling softly. He sent a thought of apology and waited to feel Spock’s mind step inside his. He was willing. 

The sensation of Spock came in like a bright light; warm, but startling and too intense. Jim gasped and pulled away. The light dimmed, but stayed just at the edge. Jim felt Spock’s mind was desperate to reconnect, seaking the loving embrace of its partner that had long only existed at the very edge of their connection. 

“Spock?” Jim interrupted. “Are you going to be able to do this?”

“I am willing to try. My mind, to your mind. One and together…” he trailed off, closing his eyes to just focus on the connection. The bright golden thread between them was there, but a red smog was suffocating it. Spock was wary of it, but he didn’t seem threatened.

“Jim, you must allow me to enter,” he voiced aloud. Their connection was shallow still.

“I’m not trying to keep you out,” he protested.

“But you are harbouring the nexus here. I can see it. You are protecting me, but you must allow me to tread through.”

“If that’s true, then you know why I can’t let it touch you.”

“It is blocking me from you. It is already harming me. Let it go. We will expel it together,”

Jim shivered with uncertainty. But slowly, Jim could sense his own barriers and willed them away. Spock stepped through and assured Jim that nothing had changed to cause concern. Spock was focused on their connection, a golden thread that Jim could almost see himself.

Why does the nexus fog stay here? Is it everywhere?

Not everywhere. It stays to protect it.

He and Spock were speaking through thoughts now and it was a relief to them both.

Protect what?

To protect the bond. Nothing can break our bond Jim. We are t’hy’la. The Nexus can only attempt to conceal the pain of our physical separation.

I was so alone. 

Jim recalled the first confusing attempts of the Nexus invading his mind. The entity failed at every attempt to place Spock into his greatest desires. It could not convince him of his presence. The bond was pointing in another direction. So it clouded the bond and Spock himself from the dreams altogether.

We will be alright Jim. I will go deeper. Continue to call for me.

Jim did, feeling warmer the closer Spock got to the center of his mind. The root of their bond. It was like coming home. Jim reached for him now and felt Spock eagerly reconnect with him. His mind was filled with the music of memories, the fog clearing away. It was both energizing and draining to re-experience. Their connection felt like a firecracker going off intermittently.

Exhausted, they agreed to withdraw from the meld. Reluctantly, they did, letting the connection ease back into place. It was a comfort to know that it would remain.

“Spock,” Jim sighed. He was so light headed that felt like he might faint.

“Jim, you must rest now. You have been fighting the nexus within you for a very long time,”

“Yeah…” was all Jim could say as he let Spock carry him to bed.

“Is he going to need treatment?” McCoy asked quietly, reminding them of his presence.

“He will need time to recover, but I do not believe he will need medical attention,” Spock answered, tucking Jim expertly under the cover. His mate silently thanked him for the medical dismissal.

“Then I believe congratulations are in order,” McCoy chuckled quietly.

“We shall see…” Spock replied. Jim could feel his mates happiness as he settled beside him on top of the sheet. They both passed out before McCoy could throw on an extra blanket and wish them a good night.

FIN


End file.
